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October 30 My new BlogThank you guys, I still find 5 clicking of my Space today, i don't know who you are, but, thank you
Yours Sincere Chu October 15 Hey, if anyone is there I was thinking about changing the color of this piece of blog, since black suit me no more. Then, why not move to a new site? yeah, say goodbye to all those personal nonsense, yet keep it as what it is. The cactus is going to yield something, thank your, my desert.
I'll post my new site here, if there be someone, thank you for caring. October 09 Old Poems.. Just some of my old words, old utterence, I've stopped abusing the Chinese language like that for 2 years, but translating is funny, kind of re-ligating to the not-yet-far old days. I heard the Poetry is something to be lost in translating, so, I hope they do have something to be lost in this translating, hmmm, but I don't wanna see its lossing of healthy spelling... "Gods of Iliterates, Bless Me~"
如果你看见我在沙上行走
如果你看见我静坐
在自己视野之外 如果你听见我坠落的声音
像一把钥匙 如果你听见我离开
你听到安静 如果你这样看见我
你看见了我的全部 如果你这样听到我
你听到了我的全部 If you saw me walking on sands
If you saw me sit
Beyond my sight. If you heard me fall
As keys fall. If you heard me far,
Heard silence. As such you see me,
You've seen me all. As such you hear me,
You've heard me all. 2006-8-12
我们跑时，我们的鞋会裂开
我们跑时，我们的鞋会裂开．就像我们想时，我们的天空会燃烧．
带上箱子，和剪刀 我们说话时，我们的舌头会冻结．我们在夜晚时，我们的白天会睡着． 打开，关闭, 这样很好. 我们看时，我们的眼睛会干涩．我们笑时，所有声音都回来了．
回来时拖着湿漉漉的裙子，我掉进春天的池塘里，沾满泥巴． 我们躺着时，我们会长高．我们迎着什么时，头发会飞起来．
花开了，下雨了． 我们转身时，我们会看见横的线条．我们愈合时，青藤会爬满我们的身体． 别哭，我们会需要很多爱． When we run, our shoes fall apart
When we run, our shoes fall apart. As when we wonder, our sky kindles .
Bring the hold-all, and the scissors When we talk, our tongues freeze. When we are in the night, our days flake out.
Wraping , and unwraping. It's good. when we see, our eyes turn sour, when we laugh, all sounds come back.
Back with soused frillies. I fell into the pond of spring, mudded. When we lay down, we raise ourselves. When going windward, our hair billows.
Flowered, rained. When we are turning around, we see strings sidelong. When we are healing, ivy creeps over the bodies.
Don't cry, We'll need much love. 2006-8-5
三音节
颓然．
以至于在整个青春－－青黄不接外加发春的诡异年华里，我失去性别里的甜美，只得到了一只右手． 它分开五指在我的后背隐痒处抓，刻下粉红的五线谱．从此我坚信自己背负了意义重大的东西．
忧伤．
每月２０号裤裆里的红色，是我为童年降下的半旗． 笑容． 你的笑容在我眼前绽放开之后，我用一秒钟忘记了颓然和忧伤． Trio
dismay
So, in the whole May of mine, yielded not mellowness but a limber hand, it scratching a staff on the itch on my back, left five scarlet marks blank on notes. Since then, I fervently believed in me bearing something significent.
distress
Every 20th comes the curse, a red flag at halfmast mourning for my childhood glees. Smile
Thinking your smile expanded before me, both the dismay and the distress are dispersed in a blink. 2006-7-21
昨晚的夏天很美
路上没有臃肿的人 浑浊的灵魂沿着清晰的地线
不叫卖不谈笑 我行走 我失聪 于是 我们一起行走 我们一起失聪 The summer was beautiful yesterday
No overstuffed ones on the road,
Vague souls along the curb.
No peddling, nor confabing around,
I walked and walked.
Deaf I became.
Later,
We walked and walked,
Deaf together we became.
2006-7-21 September 30 Un-PC! No suprise winter came in a sudden again, all my summer-ish fever is going into another winter-sleep, which means , my Crazy-Winter-days are on the way. Hopefully I'll become more literate in this winter with the Old Norse online. I've never expected that I could find something to love without feeling loaded. Nickel~
I always feeling good before VAST scences: deserts, onceans, forests, any of such sort. Marching to the VAST languages, an arrogant creature like me will surely learn to be humble. Started to read "On the Road", I will not dunted by too many strange English words...this time, well...I hope. My French goes smooth but I neet to speed up, it frastrating that I still feel so weak in making sence in french, but it's comforting that I could read a little with a dictionary now.
As usual, I won't click on the "edit" without having a big-word. Now I'd like to go into "racism".
First of all, I'll set a background for this big-talking, that is: All the sense we made are based a coordinate which got two origins----eat & love, i.e. material & spiritual. This is fantastic, the reference we created could never make things clear as we are expecting, it justifies all. (You are right, it sounds much dualistic. Before those philosophers and theorologists could make clear which is the foremost for us confused mortals, I'll hold that they are co-existing and juxtaposed phenomena, since the monism have been writing a history of failure.)
Racism is nothing concerning the "blood" in essence. The "blood" saying is no more than an old trick of symbolizition, a word-play, like people say "blue" to refer to the same thing as "dejected moods" do. However, people are wise with "blue", it's not common that some guy hate blue color for it's symbolic meaning. But people are evil with the word "blood", stupidity prevails when there be a purpose. Yeah, I'm going to talk about this "purpose".
Racism is marked by "discrimination", otherwise, people will just say "hey, it's exotic!". I have to introduce a notorous existentialistc saying here, "L’enfer c’est les autres"(Hell is other people), Sartre means, other people's influence makes one incapable of being a whole individual on his/her own , hence incapable of being a responsible man/woman for his/her own mind and conduct, and this shit leads to all the sins. His words are not a desperated cursing, but a poetic yet desperted description of the shit. OK, come back to the race talk, Sartre's words tells how yielding one is to the collective shit, when under the wish of being warm & safe, in the progress of dying----let the Death confused? maybe. God knows. (personally,I don't think this works, it just adds more evil-conducting to the dying progress, how much will be added, depends on how strong the sweet wish is.) But this happens everywhere, for feeling better, one would first find something to hind into, well, troditionally speaking, find something to belong to, e.g. a piece of land, a religion, a field, or a profession, etc...yes, these sound noble and all-right, now, listen,
"the Chinese don't like the Japonese"(lands);
"scientists don't like poets"(fields);
"tearchers hate rappers"(professions) ...
Every body knows these words never apply well, but people still talk like that alot, in some purpose that one would not easily admit.
Here comes the purpose for all the discriminations: once you "inevitably" hinding into a group of people, hey, be buddy-buddy! ---- depreciate the rest of the world! Why? There's no love without being built on hatred.
When guys gethered together, they'll use the very terms to refer to girls, and vice versa. Sartre is right about the "other people" thing, one will sink into a group like a stone sink into water. But "the hell" thing....for me, I think it's the only reality we have, no alternetive, no "sould" or "should not", no solution. One can choose to be idealistic in this hell, or existentialistic in this hell, whatever, but still in this hell. Dreams are forever good, a hell need dreams. It's not cinicism, man, call it hellish optimism.
There be a way to get out of the stage of hating or being hated, there is a group on this planet that is called living things, find your identity there, and go to explore the ourter space... yes, man, I'm just telling MY dream in this HELL. I can't do it as well as everyone, I hate the Chinese in general, I'm rather racial in this point.
Well, I intended to talk more, but the un-PC self made me rather sick, that's it. September 10 No GODs,no excusesWhat No-GODs means is doom,
What doom means is cold,
What cold means is lossing body-temperature,
What lossing body-temperature means is warming the world.
Yes, warm this unsensible world,
With your doomed flesh and blood,
But not Gods' high-voltage beams.
And dear brothers and sisters,
Damn all your Excuses.
Death upon all your Paradises.
Then you may called good,
Righteously,elegantly,and heroicly doomed.
It's the Mind that imprisoned us,not us who imprisoned the mind.
Enjoy your liberty in this penitentiary,
Or enjoy your panalty in this liberation in doom----
It's your own business,
mind upon it?mind off it?
Still ,it's your own business.
With that noble feeling of coldness.
We are surely making this world a better Limbo to linger around.
August 10 Philofuckosophy What makes problem problematic?
Self-examination leads to self-examinations.
Never-ending deciding follows a dicision,Ever-lasting repenting follows a repentance.
With all these -INGs,the only thing I can do is to light another cigarette.
Once the God kicked the boulder down the steep hill,not only Sisyphus would frown,but all those who paused watching him rolling.
Let's not only keep at "what makes problems problematic",hence keep at the sloppy sentiment,but answer,please,what makes lives living?There is a property that would take responsibility to this. (there must be one,assuming property itself do existes ) If we grant what in the supersting-theory as the boundery of the Knowability,thus the stability lies only in masslessness and timelessness,which together we should call nihility in our 21th century language (dear Ludwig,however the perfectly workable meaning only dwells in silence,I hold this as unquestionable,there still be something that language could do to this,even by the forever uttering of impossibility of a good explaination,it'll still awkwardly asserting the arkwardness of speech.Only when flood of meaninglessness covers the world will Noah's Ark make some sense,since no mind dwells in silence,mind is fury itself.) ,which together was once the concrete labyrinth of Minotaur ,is now distilled into Nihility.
So,what the Ultimate stability of Nihility have to do with lives?Go google "Nihility" and "Hilton",please.
You'll get entry numders as follow:
Keyword Entries found Ratio = Nihility / ( ) * 100%
Nihility: 110,000 100 %
Hilton: 154,000,000 0.0714285714 %
Even:
Paris Hilton: 71,100,000 0.154712 %
spiderman: 39,400,000 0.279188 %
UFO: 69,900,000 0.157368 %
god: 601,000,000 0.0183028286 %
This tells that as to the highly mindful human species,the abstract term "nihility" have got very little attention comparing with the imagable terms----existing,good-to-be-existing, or non-existing ones.I want to say,the term Nihility is REALLY far away from us,far away from the most adepting and highly-evolved living thing in the known universe.concerning the nature of linguistic terms,it is acceptable to say that the meaning bore by the term "Nihility" is not as useful as "Paris Hilton" or "spiderman" for human as a whole,thus no menion for the other mammals or the reptiles and so forth.
From the data above,and from the empirically gained facts, we may come to a general conclusion that life is first of all far from stability----we do not dealing with things that don't changing,even the cryptic human nature is changing while getting through calamities.
I will use another term to make the conclusion less clear but more close to what I mean,organism bears the unique property of transence.Or,anti-stability.Why this could happen?Why?......Honestly,I don't know, and I don't know whether there be a chance to know,but I am sure that when you answered this WHY,you will just find more WHYs behind it,the problem do not root in the Universe,it is something that had grew out of human mind,now throwing shades on the Universe.
What else?
Again,empirical,or rather phenomenological facts say that ,the changing of us organisms are from simple to complicate in function and struction,from ephemeral to yearlong in lifespan,from equally poor to unfairly hierarchic.What all these mean ?that means the other property of organism is to maintain the relatively stable stage in the transency,this is not antinomy,this is Balance---- one of the genes of the universe that have the positive phenotype called Matterenergy Equivalence.
Here's the second property of organism basing on the first : a rather retro one,that is,Anti-transency.BUT,this second property,is retro force stimulated by the first property ,they are by no means parallel,but do co-existe.
(It's troublesome to deal with things that have the hint of the cruel Darvinism,not because Darvinism is difficult to prove wrong,but because people don't mind to be wrong .I think it's true that the weak die sooner than the strong among the same species,but the bad-lucked strong die sooner than the lucky weak too, in the individual scene.And I think the famous Natural-Selection(God-Selection???) which aiming to explain where the new species come from is a theory focusing only on particular cases,it can not explain everyday life.The common stories among living-things are rather Natural-Neglect,everyone is just getting through the same routine that has been established----including killing or competing or getting sick.Not most Dinosaurs once lived here had encountered the ice-age or the mysterious large-scale extinction),
Now,it's possible for me to go back to the Question "What makes lives living?" It's the ANTI that makes lives living.Metaphysics is generally anti-organism,the effort those dead philosophers have made is literally an effort that trys to describe the " " (intently left blank ,here) by manipulating words,metaphors,pictures,actions,or even silence.It's Ironic,with all the effort cumulating,all the Tomes left on the upper shelves,we are more clear than ever that how impossible it is to seize any certainty ,how ill the logics really are, how despairing the maintaining of a good order is,and how moving and tragic too hear the young kids asking the old questions.
At least it's funny,philosophers are the most funny ones.When they laugh,there must be something that really amusing happened,which lead to the doubtless delight of the most confused men.It's like anyhow you are going to fall from where you stand,if you keep doubting this destiny and climbing upward till that moment,you'll fall in absolute certainty;if you chose to stay somewhere then get the certainty by doing the samething there again and again,you'll falling with lots WHAT-IFs.
Hehe,life is not a Covenant signed with Mr. WHO,it's a problem which was guaranteed to be solved,though not in a refined way.
Baby,Medusa would not live up to her dancing with billowing tentacles if she is stingless.
 August 09 La Petite MortBaby,I think life is a blink,and I think the world which we hav felt is the teardrop squeezed out, then falls vertically.
It's the dust raised by your palpitating heart that caused my blink as well as my tear.
Since all will be condensed in that drop,I suddenly understanded why the spaces behind you and me are so vacant.
Leached infinity.
Condensed mortality.
My world falls,creeping down your silken skin,blending into yours.
Let's rock each other till everything got sucked dry,till juice no more.
Till the end of ends.
I love you Baby.
Mine loves yours,Baby. August 07 The Lust La La La...Wake up feeling alive,counting the sweet morning blinks,am deep in the fury,attending our common collective funeral,wearing my weekend-best,wearing not somber.
Close your eyes,everyone,say together:One... Two... Three... now,open up your eyes,see?Still the fury,still the funeral,and you all still expecting somthing,something you've never seen,never felt.
"Hello!How do you do?Good day!"
"How long you've been in this rabbit-hole?......Oh,REALLY?!me too!"
You know how to count,how to calculate well,but you don't what to count,what to calcucalte,Those numbers,members,cumbering?or,sobering?
"Look what you've done..."
Nandi the bull,Shiva's doorkeeper,the overhearer of god's lovemaking,tellme,where did your kindling come from?Poor beast,spare your decency,you don't even flush,how dare your speak of the art of making love?
Fucking-great is totally mortal,the coiling with each other's body is just the same one as when we are coiling in this humanity.
All man are born fragile,are liveing in coil,and,thank gods we are going to die equal.
August 05 Magdalena Carmen Frida Kahlo y CalderónLady-moth----Frida Kahlo,
the lady who slept on a floating bed,and lived in a blue house.
who had had enough pain and didn't wish to feel the shame,anymore.
"There underwent Something more,when the moth was heading to a bonfire."
"Aren't them beautiful?Dear lady-moth,I means,the bonfire.
See,sparks ascending,ashes down.
Your eyes'll not want to follow the fine ashes ,since there be sparks flaming.
However, see or see not,deep in the ashes lies your home.
You are the lady-moth.
You'll be the living spark that dashing & blazing.
Then you'll down,fall on the dead ashes,
Be a part of them----
Watching embers becoming cinders ,in your sweet silence,in all your sweet silences."
"I hope the exit is joyful - and I hope never to return - Frida".
  Cheerio!All the Dead Beauties!!!
July 31 Auto-da-féKy Words:
Freedom , Laissez-aller ,Uhuru
He who is called Hero,is he who died before having became a tyrant.
She who is called a Beauty,is she who was loved before having aged. ----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey,you are back,75,so....did you light the candle-tree up? "
"I did."
"I mean,what you've found there."
"With the light,I could see there is nothing."
"Wait,having left everything behind, you just got nothing there?"
"I got the answer."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
July 26 NonsenseA:So you really want know me?
B:Yes,sure!
A:Deadly serious?
B:Yes!
A:Okay,so why in all languages of human being's,we use four words to describe directions ,as North,South,East,and West?
B:Coz it's the way we feel very used to!
A:we get uesd to it because we all use these 4 words to mean the directions,but why 4,not 3 or 5?
B:It's easy,coz you can't show another person where is a place with only 3 directions on a map.
A:I can't because we didn't choose a set of directions that have 3 reference axis,if we did,I assure you I can do it.
B:Hmm,I think why there are 4 is because there IS four directions ,consider the rotation of the earth,and the rise and set of Sun.
A:Hey,the sun do not exactly rise from the due east and set at the due west,and I don't think people know anyhing about the rotation when we were inventing these 4 words .How can you say it's the rotation that caused the coming into being of N,S,E,and W?Yes,people were so good at this then,coz they just defined 4 directions which was proved to be on the most scientific principle.My question is why people didn't make mistakes on defining directions as on many other notions?
B:Can I ask is there anything has it to do with you?I want to know you,not from where comes the 4 directions!
A:Well,it do have something to do with me.
B:I don't understand...
A:Well,it's like this,when you want to make advances in your living standard,you do not focus on the living standard itself,you move on to the specific aspects,e.g. the finding of a better job,your manner when taking to your boss,the food you eat,and the way of tie your tie...
B:Yes,but I think it's better you just tell me any thing about you directly,it'll save time!
A:Hmm,I see,you don't really want to know me,you just want to make me think that you want to know me.
B:It's not like that!
A:Tell me when someone told you that he want to study French in only 10 days,he told you he really want to master the French language in 10 days,will you think he is serious? July 25 Playdead It's great when weak up in the morning and tell myself that I should eat 3 apples and have no cigarette today,but it sucks when I lay on the rainbow-patten sheet with a sooted throat and the a pepper burning stomach in the night.
It was feeling good when I pressed the DELETE key and say goodbye to all the doom,death,darkwave,black metal albums hoping to enjoy the wind and sunshine in the rest of my life,but it sucks when I spend the following days and nights managing to find then download the albums back,repentantly.
I think a little social life would do me good,maybe make the doomed house not too much of a backwater,hmm,but I failed to find any societies nearby,all is a backwater.No one would go to a musty cellar to have a breath of fresh air,nor will I. I'd rather burrow around my old dreams alone for something,or rather for nothing,at least am awake.
Grrrrhhhhh
Would whichever God press the Pause key of the humanity somewhere,just for a minute,please?Or I will playdead on the floor,don't refuse to let up on me,don say no.
July 23 About quitting smoking...The problem is that I need a cigarette when pondering about how to quit smocking....
July 21 Les questions de Vie 规则：
A. 被点到的要在自己的博客里写下自己的答案，然后去掉一个你最不喜欢的问题再加上一个你的问题，仍然组成20个问题，传给其他8个人，列出8个需要回答问题的人的名字，还要通知对方——你被点名了，被点名者不得拒绝回答问题，完成游戏的人将会永远得到大家的祝福。
B. 这8个人要在自己的博客里注明是从哪里接到的，并且再传给其他8个人，让游戏继续下去。被点到名字的人将会得到大家的祝福，并且所有美好的愿望都会在不久的将来实现。 C. 不可回传 答题如下：
1. 你觉得一个人成熟的标志是什么？ (What do you think are the marks of maturity? ) The maturity of a mind is marked by the gainning of stability in personality,may be wayward,maybe misshapen. 2. 你现在最想改变自己哪一个缺点？ (Which of your shortcomings that you think need to be overcomed pressingly?)
Quitting smoke....(HOW!!!) Je pense perdre l'habitude de fumer .
3. 你最希望从朋友（不包括爱人）那里得到的是什么？ (What do you wanna get from your friends( not BF or GF)?)
I want to have all the true laughter from my friends,guffaws,heehaws, giggles,yocks,smiles,simpers,grins,sniggers....whatever are welcome. Je suis accro au rires.
4. 现在最想见的人是谁？ ( Who is the one you want to be with now?)
Glenni. Je craque pour lui.
5. 你2008年的愿望是什么？ (What is your goal-2008 ?)
My 2008 goal is to make me proud of what I did in 2008 . Juste pour n'avoir rien à se reprocher,pour avoir la affirmation de soi.
6. 如果你有花不完的钱，最想买的是什么？ (Assume that you got an exhaustless amount of money,what you want to buy first?)
If I am damnly rich,I wanna buy me a better education,and a film crew. 7. 如果能换个职业，你希望做什么？(If you can change your job,what you want to do then?)
First of all,I don't have a vocation yet,so,I don't know what the choice I would make to change my job,hmm,notionally speaking,I would love to originate a heresy againsting all the opinions I am holding now,It must be very funny to see my world toppled over in the morning ,and resurrected in the evening everyday. Confronter le alter-ego à moi.
8. 说出点你名的人的3个优点(不可删除题) ( Give out three merits of the one who called you into this .)
Lui,elle est sympa,elle est a du chien,et elle est douée! 9. 你对你的现状满意吗？ ( Feel content with the status quo?)
No,I want more.
Non.Je ne contente pas de ma situation presente.Moi,je prétends à mon petit ami,je désire que je fasse la bise à mon chouchou:P 10.你相信命运吗? 为什么？ ( Do you believe in fate? why?)
I believe that immortality lies only in the past,enternity only exists in history.What have happened,no matter acknowledged or not,are deific,and we are the ritual killings burning in our desires----upon that altar of life.
And I believe that the Future only contains the nihility,we like to fill it up with something soothing,and yes,we will.
As to the Fate,it is nothing more than "Dust to Dust,Ashes to Ashes" for me .
11.你现在最想拥有的是什么? ( What is the mos-wanted in your life now?)
I want a VISA.
12. 你最喜欢的诗人是谁？ ( Your favourite poet?)
Hai Zi's poems are fatal.
Lui,il est super,et loufoque :P
13.什么时候会让你心慌？ ( Where do your unrestness come from ?)
I get the heebie-jeebies mostly in my dreams.
14.如果今天晚上你失眠，咋办？ ( What will you do to kill time when you are sleepless in the night?)
Hmm,always doodling or writing in sleeplessness... Moi,je peins et j'écris à condition que si je ne peux pas trouver sommeil.
15.你相信爱情吗？ ( Do you believe in love?)
Sure,would love to die for love,and only for love. Je préfère tomber au abîme d'amour plutôt que de se fouler le monde des immortels à perpétuité .
16.连续熬夜无比疲劳的时候你用什么办法迅速恢复精力？ ( What will you do to restore your conciousness when burning the midnight oil?)
Hey,go sleep,or if I can't,then,a little Death,Doom,Goth,Symph or Scandinavian metal...or some spaced out music. 17.请推荐你喜欢的一首歌、一本书或一部电影，并写出推荐理由。 ( Recommend a song,a book,and a film that you like most,and give the reason why you like them.)
A song: Perfect Day,by Lou Reed ( I love the shouting wrapped in the silence) A book: The Selected Poetry of Hai Zi (I love every way he running out of life)
A film: Into the Wild ( I love every free step Alex took ,forward or backward,in this bogginess )
18.你最想去的地方是哪里？为什么？ ( Where is your most want-to-visit place?why?)
Ireland,to visit the nymphs and peris. La Irlande,Pourquoi?à cause de les fées et les démons.
19.如果让你做个剧中人（随便电影，电视，动画卡通），你愿意把自己想象成是谁？ ( Whom you want to be of all the protagonist of whatever films, TV shws,or cartoons?)
I should say Alex(the protagonist of Into the Wild) 20.你觉得你五感中(视觉、听觉、嗅觉、味觉、触觉)的那一项最强？ ( Which of your five senses is the most sensitive one?)
My best sense must be the sixth ....
21. 你的童年最爱的玩具是什么？( What is your always-carrying toy in your kindergarten days?)
My-self C'est Moi-même.
22。补充
知道哪里有小白卖吗？ (Know where I can buy a Xiao Bai [petite blanc ]?
What is a 小白? Dog? hmm,try WenYi Road.
I think I'd rather spare the Best Wishes from all my friends,hmm,coz,I don't have 8 names to roll-call .Hey,I don't think this is scientific to let everyone call other 8 more,coz the involved population will increase in geometric growth,of the third power.Assume this started at one man,and the roll-called ones are giving the answers and call other 8 persons the next day ,the outcome is that the whole world population on earth would be involved within two months.... viz.we have to call every one on earth within 2 months,if not,there must be people like me that would not get the Best Wishes by listing 8 names... sounds like a sort of curse..... July 15 Eversleeping /Xandria
Once I travelled 7 seas to find my love
And once I sang 700 songs Well, maybe I still have to walk 7000 miles Until I find the one that I belong I will rest my head side by side
To the one that stays in the night I will lose my breath in my last words of sorrow And whatever comes will come soon
Dying I will pray to the moon That there once will be a better tomorrow Once I crossed 7 rivers to find my love
And once, for 7 years, I forgot my name Well, if I have to I will die 7 deaths just to lie In the arms of my eversleeping aim I will rest my head side by side
To the one that stays in the night I will lose my breath in my last words of sorrow And whatever comes will come soon
Dying I will pray to the moon That there once will be a better tomorrow I dreamt last night that he came to me He said: "My love, why do you cry?" For now it won't be long any more Until in my cold grave we will lie Until in my cold grave we will lie July 11 Bleashed outToday is a big day,the first Acute Gastritis happened in my life,for which I had been expecting all my primary school days.
It must has something to do with the chili pepper,or too much chili pepper, yesterday,But it's a bad idea to let mama know this anyway,or there will be chili pepper no more...
When I feel weak,the world become softer & lighter.I like this.
July 10 Hysteriait's bugging me
grating me and twisting me around yeah I'm endlessly caving in and turning inside out cause I want it now I want it now give me your heart and your soul and I'm breaking out I'm breaking out that's when she'll lose control yeah it's hurting me morphing me and forcing me to strive to be endlessly cold within and dreaming im alive cause I want it now I want it now give me your heart and your soul I'm not breaking down I'm breaking out that's when she'll lose control and I want you now I want you now I feel my heart implode and I'm breaking out escaping now feeling my faith grow old July 08 US (3) | (odd) English Version--The language of eternal silence.Key words:Stammel,Felicific Calculus,Cogito,Sanbenito,Pensée,Coup de Foudre,Rage,Billowing,Hypnos,Gowan,Alice is in wonderland again...
WHAT language is thine, O Sea?
The language of eternal question. WHAT language is thy answer, O sky? The language of eternal silence. I: The word HIBERNIA in your mind repeated itself again and again and awakened me this morning(Hic Jacet Alter Ego in Aeternum),seems Alice has been in wonderland the whole night,ha? 75: Yeah,Alice in the post-modern wonderland,I should say.
I: Sometimes,when the profoundities are too profound,a little fluxus would regulate everything back to the the senses,It is still a diving that a whale take however long it lasts in the depths,it could never be called a living.
75: Should I perceive this parable an ode for depths,or the indifferent existentialist description of the nonentity of the odes for depths?
I: Both,and neither.
75: Hmm,there're no inherent differences in any of the abstract terms before we think.and there're no unacceptable conclusions before we feel.It's the way we think and feel that fabricated all the trueness and falseness.This "T-F" Simple Closed Curve embarrassly is the only liable delineation of human Knowing.
I: Is the ten-dimensional Superstring Theory valid or not?This is still a two-dimentional question.You mean we are much lowly than we think?
75: I mean we are just much more supercilious than we should be,well,most of time.But it's okay,we are lowly anyway,so it's already been justified that we are not upright.
I: You call this meticulous nonsense Post-modern?
75: No,my calling of this meticulous nonsense Post-modern is Post-modern.
I: Hehe,yeah,may be the play of words is post-modern itself.Leakiness in logic did not left anything unjustified,it is debilitating recognition but enhancing tolerance,smiting the unifyed faith but stablishing our faith in eachself. Oh yes,still,You are playing with words----still,sheer nonsense.
75: Seems I just asserted myself by self-denial,what a trick! There be no chance to question the validity of a conclusion that is antinomic.If there be anything more than nonsense in our talking,it is the Conservation of Wholeness.We never lost or gained anything in terms of quantity,it's just the change in quality,like from material lossing to spiritual gaining,vice versa.What causes the illusion of lossing or gaining,is but our discrimination of objects and concepts.
I: Life itself is the gods' discrimination,then gods' illusion,shall I say so?
75: Well,if so,there must be Conservation of Illusion,then.Kneel down with me,please,let's praise the gods' discrimination,then gods' illusion.
June 30 The Far Far Elsewhere I assume ART is the everlasting oblation to the Elsewhere,the Holy Place we have ever found that is safe to worship our lifes,yet complains come only from its being far.But,do remember,we so settled the far far Elsewhere is because we hate everything near.So when we see the FAR,we hate the FAR for its nearing,as we always do.
To want to be the Elswherese is one of the blessed lusts,take the bitter sweetness of never be fullfilled,or you'll get lost in the Nowhere without both sweetness and bitterness.The modern dilemma?No,not really,it is the ancient dilemma acknowledged modernly.it's the dilemma concerning eternal mortality.I advise us to see the bitter sweetness as the ultimate purpose of all we toil for,but one can not feel the bitter sweetness without the well acknowledged delussion of reaching the Elsewhere,for this point,reasoning is weak,I myself is weak,but I love this damned weakness inside,we live on both reality and ideal,as we could cross bars only with both left and right legs.As philosophy is the indispensible handmaid of theoloty,I adore this saying which indicating the hard truth that we keep sober to bide the befalling of nuttiness,e.g. we do elaborated computer programming to put vidios on-line,if people like it,we can make money and go yachting around the the Arabian Sea,may be it's a good idea to call some hot baby to share the sunshine,and it's much better to share the bed after sunset.Yeah,there are plenty of academic books of yatching or making love as well as programming.Hmm...out of mind? never mind...
So free we are.
June 28 Cellar Queen I had been wondering why everyone arround me are so amiable when smile and so violent in souls,but it's come up to me that's me who made all these fucked up,I never obey to what I think are wrong,and yes,obedience is the threshold of suviving here.Anyway,I'm still alive and happy.
Yesterday I got a slap in the face for I made some mighty one don't feel good,this slap made me think that my Papa loves me more than I was thinking,for Papa beat me since I was a child every 3 or 4 days but he never broke any of my teeth,though he never said he love me;but this Tony said he love me everyday,the first slap from him caused slight concussion and bruising contusion of temporomandibular joint,it's still okay,I'm orgnistic,I can recover,but my front teeth don't grow like others,and I love eating sour fruit...well,Tony,I know you would see this page,by the way,I know you are glad to know that I feel hurt in some way,you never respected anyone who don't act in your stupid way,Tony you flat suck.and you are so fake...god bless you all,god bless your new girl,and you'll surely tell her at first you never beated any girls,and will be found out that you just left no one unbeated in your life so far.And I know you'll feel so much done by and would tell anyone who know me that I had cheat on you,fuck you Tony,if you didn't cry and beg me to give you more time to see me,just for you are content to see me within your sight,and this is your last request concerning me,my front teeth would be as useful as ever,we have parted ,if I want to keep something as private matter,it's not a cheat,my dear...well,I don't mind if you search for others aupport by calling my name,you sucks anyway,and I'm so glad that there's no more people like you in my life.And I'm so sorry that I didn't predicted that you sucks,or I wouldn't give you the delussion that may be you can control me some day,hey,you are just too far behind.You said I am arrogent,yes,if there be people like you,I got a good reason to be arrogent whenever I like.
And dear Papa,sorry for everything again,you seems lost your only love after Tony the Great has gone,relax,you have already made him happy by turnning me out in the cold,after you drunk again,don't worry,I'll for give you for this again ,too.And dear Mom,I feel good when you curse Tony for his stupidity,but you are not the right one who teach me how to prevent myself from such violent,your obadience didn't make the bruise of your up-arms invisible today,and i won't listen to you to act like you.Arrogent?Yes? No?haha,I'm just living in my way,no more no less,whatever you call me is welcome.
I like our dirty cellar down there so much,i can lay on the dust and smell the rat freely,I am the queen of cellar yesterday, you are the flunkies of the beautiful upper buildings,we are the same hungey creatures,I beg for understanding,while you beg for something else.I feel great being here and there,but am sorry that you don't like me to smile without your permission,i really feel sorry for that.but it's okay,we are all dying,no problem will bother then.
I found my wings down there.I was told that I'll go to the Irish forests after my death here. To :Tony the Great I don't hate you,don't worry,you're just another brick on the wall,I got something more important to do than hating you.but there are two advises to you,first,do not try any girl IQ ranks more than 130,no chance for you,second to have mercy on those innocent ones,or your kids will curse you.
So happy with your life. June 19 climbing plants Say goodbye to whatever you have is painful,including mistakes,addiction,burden,even pulling the poisoned arrow out to cure,it's painful.Once you got something inside,be apart of yourself,you are in danger of suffering the possible splitting.It is from the lost part of self where people got nostalgia.We do not always chew partly the sweetness in the past,but all----all that have been once taken on then left behind.
Nostalgia is the stream circulating as climbing plants,amiable missionaries of death,who talk the transiency in a melancholy tune and who stare at you with flaming eyes.They cast molten anima into souls while talking bereavement.
Hiding behind the batched persona is the best way to hold off meeting them. June 18 Jia YouHe beated Apple before she even got dressed this morning,threatening not to pay her college tuition if she dare to go on sleep after mid-day one more time.Apple shouted hysterically once,but didn't utter one word.I know what it feels,and I know she was deadly hoping me to go into the well-furnished bedroom and turn Papa off, since I am the only one on this planet who got the privilege to do so.But no way...it's dangerous for her to develop too much dependence for me...She have to learn by herself and this is the only workable choice...I'm already on the verge of too much intervening...but I know the feeling,it sucks.But,but,but,but,but,but....but I must do good.I'm tough. He was bargaining that he offered so much to feed and take care of her,but got only her ignorance of his command in return.Would have been feeling rather done by if he mean it, he just showed nothing but wrath.He just don't know that. "Wrath",the English word I understood better than other kids did,is the only available means in deeling with such family troubles in this second-floor household which mirrored the continuing mount-up of China's ecnomic power.But like drug using,wrath made no good beside those temporal easings of himself,and then he'll need larger doses,for what Apple lacks is not discipline,but the faith in love.It took me more than 4 hours each time to make her give up the idea that Papa dosen't love her, however It took him just 4 minutes to re-disorder the elaborated deductions and inductions.But things are going smoothly at my way----before I left to the office,Apple gose with her little fist up :"Jia You!"(hold on).I knew she understands. He ecxcruciates,because he is crucifed on his own viewpoint,and his wrath speaks out nothing but his overloaded pain.It should not be grandpa or someone else who nailed him up there together should respond,for nobody bites untill got bited.I never believed there be any tongueless apple in Eden cause all these "wrongs",but I do believe there is some tougueless abstraction that take the full responsibility of what happened to the family,if I could make it speak,then I can be of some help(or after-mends). May be this mortal coil is not for one to undo or chop(as nobody have ever made it),but to lure and to love,decoration,isn't it?Since all the intelligent endeavors are to please. -------------------------------------------------------- I hugged a fellow yesterday, without knowing the name,this is the first time I dared to ask a Chinese for the hug,It's cool. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sigur Ros,their new album is a tearbomb....I just can't figure out why... the jolli Icelandic.... 《Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust 》 June 16 BPD--Bullshit Psychiatric DiagnosisThat is called BPD,yes!
I don't think their is any line there that discriminates normal or abnomal in the domain of human mind.What we call ABNORMALITY now is the normal outcome of individuals carrying some rare and thorny memes or/and genes,which is the very agent to make our existence much flexible,and had well prepared us for suviving the everchanging environment since we came into being.People who are called abnormal ,to my mind,are those real patron saints of all the beauty in humanity by the way of secrificing their own souls and mortal joys.
I got rid of the sentimental fear and desire of death by realizing life is a Free Lunch itself,and I got rid of hatred by seeing I that I am the same host of all I was hating only without being infected or am still in latency----luckily.To be who I am has nothing to do with good or bad,it's just choosing which queue to join considering the world need balance and the shorter queue need me.Yes,I was first diagnosed Depression,then Borderline Personality Disorder(generally considered as the death penalty of morality),then updated to the simple "Electra complex",and finally the hospital thing turned out a waste of both my RMB and time with an informal oral diagnosis that I got suisidal may be because I am too smart.I come to think after all those that my problem is a philosophical one rather than a psychological one.It is true that I was once damnly suicidal , doubted about love wrongly and dropped consulting several times,super-emotionally react to any issue about my father,and I recollected myself from all of this by philosophical thinking before the sincere docters made up their minds on which therapy I should take in.
I think the main problem in the psychological industry nowadays is not that specialists don't have enough love to those who need help,but that they didn't love in a efficient way conparing to the money the society put in. Most consulting psychologists and psychotherapists think the clients more or less pitiful ones or inferior in some aspects and needed remedy(BDPs are frustrating and tend to be hated at last), by thinking this way,they act this way.No need to assert the formidable power of psychological suggestions which is in charge of the human commonness,clients would accept that they are pitiful ones or inferior in some aspects and needed remedy without thinking even once.But even textbooks said that this kind of client's self-image is not supposed to come from the remedy giver,for their work is to help the clients to gain self-control which need self-respectation.Every student of psychology knows one can not give psychological suggestions if he/she don't really think so----one can't help a client efficiently without respecting him/her heartedly.
Here I come to the problem that even sophisticated psychologist would frown to:How to respect those clients heartedly?This is a question regarding philosophy,the knowledge of how to be wise,lacking of which is becoming the piece of short wood of the whole industry----Every day there be an manifesto of dicoverying the chemical of happiness,sadness,peacockery,jealousness,blablablablablablabla.....
Truth was writen down some 2000 years ago,and is everywhere nowadays thanks to the mass education.,but for an individual,it is not easy to tell what are read apart from what are believed,only if he/she lost in the darkness and is craving for faith to guide,as infection forces immunity, he/she would consider seriously about the notion "truth".Those clients on the couch are suffering pain and fear in darkness but having the oppotunity of finding the truth hence the real beauty of life---they are breaking coocons,to be distructed or liberated----not like those middle-aged normal ones wake up in a normal morning speak of horsefeathers all day then go to bed normally in the night.
What the hell NORMALITY is?
Live,Learn,Love. June 15 Non,un point c'est tout.After amazed you by quitting a TOP-10 university and promising office life,now I am going to amaze you again.I feel sorry that I am the only one who act logically within a radius of 50 miles,but am proud of you that you are still able to find something other than CCTV to talk and enjoy.
PS:I prefer WH questions than Y-N ones.
Mes amies,je pense un peu à vous.
Nous nous-dispersons dans le monde sublunaire.
Fleur solitaire.
Je pense donc je suis?(C'est sympa!)
Bof...ça ne se fait pas chez nous.
Je pense donc je ne suis pas.
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